Day 4 and 5
I have more and more problems to sleep. Despite my blanket, the floor is so hard, that I have to sleep most of the time on my back; and the cold starts entering my body, slowly but surely. I try to sit in a chair, and sleep this way, but it does not work.
This morning, while I was sitting in my chair, I look up to the ceiling. There are two panels missing, and suddenly I have the feeling, that I can distinguish a low light up there. After a while I check it again, and now I am sure: This is sunlight. Great! Finally I know whether it is day or night; now I can organize myself even better.
Yesterday, Nadir confirmed me that my consulate was aware of ma situation, and that my family knows where I am. Later I will find out that this was a lie. Despite international law (Geneva Convention) my consul was never informed about my situation. But this lie was actually a favour they made me: Knowing that my family was aware of my situation took a lot of pressure from me; not I could mainly focus on myself. So I decided:
1st. I was not allowed to think of my family, except in the evenings from 8 to 9 pm
2nd.I will not believe anymore what they tell me, whatever it might be
3rd. I will rise and go to sleep with the sunlight.
4th.I will not touch my breakfast until I finished ma morning gymnastics and walked three kilometres.
I will scrupulously follow these resolutions, after walking 3 km in the morning; I will study Arabic for one hour, then call the guardian to get my medication. He takes me to Nadir’s office who offers me tea to swallow my pills. I am grateful for this only hot “food” I will get all day, and put huge amounts of sugar in my cup: I need calories.
- Any news? When can I leave?
- Today!
- Sure?
- Sure!
Every day of my internment, without exception, he will tell me this lie. But now I do not believe him anymore. But I play the game, show how happy I am, and thank him for everything.
Who manipulates whom?
Half an hour later I must go back to my cell, but the door remain unlocked. Then, in order to play my role of an old man with prostate problems, I leave my cell every hour; tell the guardian that I go to the toilets. After a few days, I won’t tell anymore and just go there.
On one of such occasions, there was a guardian on the toilet as well. His toiletries are on the sink, unattended. I do not hesitate, steel his soap and reintegrate my cell at once. On another occasion I find an empty 2,5 litres bottle in the trash bin. I take it, fill it up with water: Now I have a dumbbell for my exercises!
Back in my cell I look at all my treasures: Two drinking bottles, One peeing bottle, one dumbbell, one soap: I am rich! The soap theft will have no consequences.
But: Why is my consul not coming to visit me? I feel anger and rage rising in me: The bastard! He does not even care about me!
Then I jump up and start turning in ma cage:
- You won’t get me! Bastards! I am stronger than you!
My feet are aching. I cannot walk for hours in cycling shoes. I take them off, and walk on my socks. But then again I change my mind. Walking like that, my socks will soon have holes! I cannot afford that, I need them to keep me warm at night. So I take the socks off as well.
From now on, I will walk barefoot!
- You will not get me!
On the fourth day, I walked nine kilometres, the last six barefoot.
On the fifth day, I walked eleven kilometres, all barefoot.